Life's Path

Thursday, February 24, 2011

October 2008 favorite time of the year.  It is what I keep trying to tell myself.  I just turned 33.  I am getting worse.  Nausea has set in.  My sleep is getting worse.  I am getting more and more fatigued.  I am starting to lose my appetite.  I go back to my doctor on October 6th as things are not good.  He tells me I need to take 2 weeks off work to see if that will help me.  He runs some more blood work.  I am off work from October 6th-October 17th.

Life doesn't take a break though, even though you are sick.  Our grandson is going to have his 2nd birthday party and we know that Jared is going to propose to Glenn's daughter Nicole at the party.  I HAVE to be there, I can't miss out on it.  It takes every ounce of me to get me to the party, and to act as normal as I possibly can.  This moment is not about me, it is about birthdays and engagements.  So I force on my smile, take lots of pain med's and hope that I don't draw too much attention to myself.  I make it through the afternoon and go home and collapse.  Was it worth it...yes.  Can I do it again?  Only time will tell.

I head back to work on the 20th.  Time off was good, it has helped a little bit to have time to rest.  But being back at work is hard.  I seem to be in a fog.  I just don't feel like I am in my own body.  My heels now have a burning sensation in them and it hurts.  Come lunch time, I am so exhausted that I don't know how I am going to get through the day.  I am spending more time in the bathroom.  Diarrhea is normal to me now.  I can no longer work out.  I cancel my gym membership.  Glenn picks me up from work to take me home.  Walking home at the end of the day is just something that I can no longer do or even fathom.

I just keep thinking, a few more weeks until I see the specialists and then we will know what is going on, get a treatment plan and be back to myself.  This is what keeps me going.  I have a glimmer of hope out there.

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